How to be a Better Person Instantly

It’s easy to find excuses not to help others: I don’t have much money right now, I don’t think I can make a difference, I’m a sociopath who sees others simply as fools and means to my predatory ends….

But you just ran out of excuses; here are some simple tips to make your daily routine of buying overpriced luxuries that don’t work and you can’t afford into an unending stream of magnanimity.

Amazon Smile

Use Smile.Amazon.

Amazon Smile is identical to normal Amazon, except for one tiny difference: they donate 0.5% of every purchase to a charity of your choice. That’s it. No catch. This is a way to start donating cash to a worth cause without dipping into your own funds. Plus, it’s yet another excuse to shop.  It’s good or the economy or something.

The question is why they don’t just make amazon.com into the donation site and have everyone donate. I guess that would mean everyone would do it and that would cost too much money. I give all my money to adult litercy, litracy…lietrarcy….I give my money to a place what teaches peoples to read.

Upromise

And since we’re shopping, time to pick a card, any card, to buy stuff with. Just make sure that each card is signed up with Upromise.

Just like Smile, Upromise will donate a portion of the money you spend with any credit card you have. Only this time, the money goes to a college fund you specify. The only catch with this one is that the cash back for college only comes when you buy from one of upromises partners, but since they are partnered with nearly every major retailer and restaurant chain you’ve ever heard of it’s not a problem. Once again, you have nothing to lose signing up and you could put away major money for the kids college fund at no cost to you.

Strike a Pose

There’s nothing to it. TED gave another one of his talks and claimed that holding a “power pose” for two minutes a day improved confidence and self-image. So go ahead and flex in front of the mirror; but only for two minutes. Your normal half-hour is superfluous.

Apologize

It’s Easy and no one ever does it. It costs you nothing and the other party will never forget it.

You know what you did.

Eat eggs with Turkey Sausage.

Whaaat? According to a study done by Leiden University, eating eggs, turkey, and other foods rich in Tryptophan make one more generous and giving. At last, we have an explanation of why you’re such a selfish asshole: it’s malnutrition! Fuck you FDA! You made me kill those kids and eat them with your clearly masonic food pyramid.